Coulrophobia in the news

From CNN today:

BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) -- Two clowns were shot and killed by an unidentified gunman during their performance at a traveling circus in the eastern Colombian town of Cucuta, police said Wednesday.

The gunman burst into the Circo del Sol de Cali on Monday night and shot the clowns in front of an audience of 20 to 50 people, local police chief Jose Humberto Henao told Reuters.

One of the clowns was killed instantly, and the second died the next day in hospital.

"The killings had nothing to do with the show the victims were performing at the time of the incident," Henao said in a telephone interview. "We are investigating the motive."

With an entrance fee of under 50 cents, Circo del Sol de Cali attracts mostly poor Colombians. It pitched its tents in Cucuta, near the border with Venezuela, earlier this month.

"The clowns came out to give their show, and then this guy came out shooting them," one audience member told local television. "It was terrible."

Sixfinger

Sometimes we human primates look back and wonder how our ancestors managed to survive without the handy gadgetry of modern life. And speaking of my favorite handy gadget: "Sixfinger, Sixfinger, man alive! How did I ever get along with five?"


It looks like a finger but it DOES ALL THIS: 1. Shoots cap bombs. 2. Launches S.O.S signals: "Help, I'm being held hostage by a projectile-launching plastic finger attached to my hand!" 3. Writes like a ballpoint pen that uses your own blood. 4. Shoots "secret bullets", which is far better than bullets having your return address written on them. 5. Shoots "message missiles" --and really, whose finger doesn't do that? 6. Shoots "fragmentation bomb", as opposed to those generic bombs that burst leaving clowns and ferris wheels in their wake.

yeah, i know
____________________

Reviews of Sixfinger:

"I adore sixfinger. I got one up on the gun rack of my truck and 7 more pickled in a jar."
-- Caesar "Chip" De Longpre

"Oh heavens no. We've seen enough devastation from Sixfinger"
Rance Binyard

Moist Towelette

Before you do anything else, go to the online Moist Towelette Museum.

So, music combo "The Police" are back together. It's alright by me. Why should I care when I've spent all my petty rage whining about the Beatles' "Love" project? Sting still looks like Sting. Copeland looks like Ted Danson on drums. And Summers looks exactly like me. He might consider the Specs'N Nose solution for that eternally youthful look.

What else is in the news? North Korea will be suspending its plan to lob missiles at my forehead, and for that I'm mighty grateful. Add another nation to our payroll so they don't kill us. Now I can walk down the street with confidence and not wear so much antiperspirant on my upper lip.

And finally, I would like to formally announce my plans to marry my car so that I can start a super race of Model T's with my face on the grille.

ant

Nothing Can Move Me Like SpecsN'Nose

I'm under a lot of social pressure to vary my Specs N'Nose.

Bottom line: I doubt most males would care what sort of Specs N'Nose they have on if not for the awareness of how chicks judge them by nothing other than their caliber of Specs N'Nose. It's as though High School social stigmas never entirely vanish from adult life. Eventually you will be maligned and sneered upon based on how un-hip your Specs N'Nose is. Indeed, the Specs N'Nose I wear mark me for the unwavering nerd that I am.

I actually do have trillions of different Specs N'Noses but I always gravitate back to these (conspicuously in pairs):
-because they are light, inexpensive & extremely comfortable. ...I know, I know, it's crazy.

Nothing Can Move Me Like Shoes

I'm under a lot of social pressure to vary my shoes.

Bottom line: I doubt most males would care what sort of footwear they have on if not for the awareness of how chicks judge them by nothing other than their caliber of shoe. It's as though High School social stigmas never entirely vanish from adult life. Eventually you will be maligned and sneered upon based on how un-hip your shoes are. Indeed, the shoes I wear mark me for the unwavering nerd that I am.

I actually do have trillions of different shoes but I always gravitate back to these (conspicuously in pairs):
-because they are light, inexpensive & extremely comfortable. ...I know, I know, it's crazy.

*The good news is that if you keep wearing anything long enough, the fashion cycle repeats itself and you will suddenly attain "Mr. Awesome" status every 20 years or so. So you never actually have to change your underwear ever again.