Today's Greeting

Click HERE for my poetic recitation of Helter Skelter.

No, Not Don Knotts

Tell me when this nightmare's over. What a crappy time to lose Don Knotts.

Everyone's gonna be bloggin' about this one.

While I've mentioned this before, I can't imagine anyone saying of the guy, "Don Knott's, what an A-hole". It's a scientific axiom that such a statement cannot be true.

Here's my Don Knotts celebrity-near-encounter: I was in the Aaron Bros Art Store on Westwood Blvd. when he happened to be buying supplies there also. At first I didn't recognize him because he was wearing a floppy beret along with very thick eyewear, the kind you get after having your eyes dilated, and ducking in and out of the aisles. Plus, I try to resist shadowing random individuals in public places anyway. Mr. Knotts was carrying the most massive drawing pad available and he had what looked to be a young female assistant with him (or who knows -his latest art model???).

I was in earshot when he approached the register and a very naive voice asked him, "Are you somebody famous?". The question made me cringe hard but somehow I think the girl running the register spoke with an innocence that superseded any sign of flagrant opportunism. His reply was cordial, typically Knotts-like, utilizing that distinctive hi-register voice, "I'm Don Knotts!". I got the sense that the checkout girl had only the vaguest notion of who Don Knotts was, probably from his nadir Three's Company role, but I was thinking "whoa... I'm next to GENIUS". That sort of celebrity zing doesn't get under my skin very often.

are YOU somebody famous?

The list: Ghost and Mr. Chicken (click HERE for chilling organ music); The Incredible Mr. Limpet (which was supposed to be re-made with Jim Carrey but thankfully abandoned -or was it?); The Reluctant Astronaut; The Love God. Stellar performances all! Enough to make Orson Welles seem flaccid in comparison. Don Knotts, a giant of a performer with natural comic timing and originality. Not least, his television role as Barney Fife in The Andy Griffith Show- magnetic, underrated, iconic.

So sit down, shuttup and learn Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson and the rest of you dolts/part-time runway model primpers with your bloated P.R. machines and eyebrow manicurists in tow! You are nothing compared to THE MAN Don Knotts, even in his grave.


For our next installment we will discuss award-winning apple cobbler recipes.

Honey Bunches of Mp3's

Here's a little ditty I recorded less than a year ago called "Honey Bunch"

Thanks to my friend Dennis who assisted me in figuring out a way to keep adding Mp3s here without having to pay anyone.

click HERE now to pleasure-coat your ears.

Bedridden in the Land of Sick TeeVee

I took suddenly ill a couple days ago. Appears to be food poisoning from a local Indian buffet. I'm still achy with waves of flu symptoms but the violent eruptions from both upper and lower tract have finally subsided. An alien burst out of my stomach and ran out the back door, which I'm hoping indicates that I'm past the halfway mark of my illness. At least I found a new use for the LA Weekly as a spatter absorber.

As a result of this incapacitation I've been watching lots of daytime television. It's been a succession of local news; Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc... in one big blur. The visual pace of everything seems more accelerated than I recall somehow, as each generation of limited attention-span sets a new low. In the end though it's all thoroughly disposable and empty.

I find car commercials especially annoying, where there's a premium put on austere pedestal-building; on being more clever against last years model's visuals and the obsessive continuance of the "bleach by-pass" look. Big-budget dross.

I did enjoy the the Aflac Insurance Duck rescuing the woman from the railroad tracks commercial, done in silent-film style. But that was little compensation, as the balance of my TV viewing was like a Doctor prescribing a Tilt-a-Whirl ride as therapy for my stomach flu.

It's one thing to work in television, and very much a different thing to suffer through watching it. What sort of cultural degradation have I helped to wrought upon this once great land? I apologize to each and every one of you.

Making-of "Dandy's Inferno"

If you cannot comprehend this "behind-the-scenes" clip, good. That means everything is working just as it should. Do not kick the computer out of frustration. This'll probably be the last installment of the Dandy's Inferno film for a while. I'm going to put it on DVD this year, cleaned up with an added commentary track. It'll be a real stone Geritopia gas.

Meanwhile, there's other bottom-feeder cultural stuff waiting in the pipeline.

Dandy's Inferno Excerpt

A musical excerpt from Dandy's Inferno, complete with fire-belching stoves and real chicken feet doing Busby Berkeley dance patterns. Eat your heart out Sid and Marty Kroft!

Can anyone guess what the homage is to at the very end?

Blogging From Work

It's probably not hip to blog unless you do it while at work, which implies that you actually spend the balance of your dynamic life boozing and betting on the ponies. This is my first posting from work. Fill in the blanks.

So here I am and I have nothing to say, except I want to go home.

But let's not talk about me. . . how are you?

"Dandy's Inferno"

This is a trailer for a short film made with fellow comrade/instigator Tony De Los Reyes . It was shot on Super8 in the early 90's; transferred to video and edited in the late 90's. Dandy's Inferno was a cat's-eye-view of chasing gastronomic nirvana, in the form of a basted turkey, through a veritable maze of dark and insidious obstacles. I suppose I may be able to deliver the whole thing here in parts now that I can link video. We'll see.

Cartoons to Expedite Armageddon

I've been asked to do a lot of animation for work in recent weeks. By any standard, it's quick and cheesy stuff but animation is animation and it takes time. I'm typically given 4 hrs. to do a single "nutty" satirical animation addressing some ridiculous celebrity topic. As a byproduct, I've been generating large files of cartoon props; odds and ends; misc. body parts, etc.

While I can't show any samples of the original cartoons, as it might cause riots, bloodshed and conflicts-of-interest in ownership, I'm thinking that there might be some possibilities with collaging recycled pieces, which IS legal.

Here's today's masterwork.

non-political! do not stab the cartoonist, thanks

Visual Retention Test

Last year Los Angeles had something like 30 inches of rain. If you ask me, that's the way it should be. It turned local Temescal Canyon into a tropical paradise full of exotic frogs, parrots, and monkeys with fiery orange posteriors. Sadly, when the weather dries, they are the first to take a cab out of town. I documented the lush scenery with these photo collages.

Bonus KiD's KoRneR: can you pick out the difference between the first and second shot in each set?


(click for larger)

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Red Dye #3

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Other Folk's Photos: Adam's Curse Series

"By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground"