Apologies

I want to apologize for the preceding post which was just wrong on so many levels. At least this place has a fresh paint job and a new template. We now resume with our usual wholesome family entertainment.

Thank you.

Geritopia Management

Dog Shit

[To be read with a hand-wringing Andy Rooney-esque whine]

What sparks the turning point in human behavior, and just what do I mean by this? Well, let me tell you. I'm talking about the popular use of plastic bags, usually saved over from the produce dept., finding utility as dog shit scooper-upper devices. Just how did this next level in dog-walking etiquette go completely unexamined, and is it ultimately meaningful or just lending to a false sense of personal responsibility in an out-of-touch world?

Rewind to simpler times. It used to be a world full of clean-cut gas station attendants sporting white uniforms. Yes it was a bountiful America, replete with petticoat girls and lazy lemonade stands. It was Sophie Tucker on the victrola, a bumper crop of corn, and loose chunks of dog shit rolling around the lawn. Yes, I said loose, unaccounted for, and haphazard chunks of dog shit everywhere --and people didn't die!

ever wonder just how much dog shit is out there?

I recall walking to school each morning, having to dance around perilous canine excrement left behind by dogs and their owners during the previous night. Each pile was a signature: some were fresh steamers; some were festooned with embedded crayon bits; some could be mistaken for perfectly delectable Tootsie Rolls; and some were crazy-looking white and powdery, having seen better days. It was all fair game. Dog shit happened.

Then something changed all that simplicity.

Communities are now less integrated; there are more chain-link fences to separate us; people walk in straight determined paths not daring to look into the eyes of an on-coming pedestrian. We lead insular, self-focused lives. So it follows that our humanity never goes out for a walk, but for the grace of our beloved and fashionable dog. And so an opportunity is born for us to give back to our world by bending down and deftly handling fresh hot turds and disposing of them personally. By picking up our dog shit we are saying, "I'm progressive and I'm doing my part to expose the Bush Administration". By picking up our dog shit we exclaim, "in this litigious society I'm protecting you as I protect myself, not that I really give a shit".

Is this really where we want to go, folks?!!! I mean, for heaven'sake, WAKE-UP! Let friends, family and neighbors step in dog shit and stop this pious busy-body effort to rescue everyone from it!

Let America stand firm!

The Most Bloated Post Ever

I've been looking at receipts for my last year's tax report and I found a slew of DVD rental records. So below is my inventory of titles from 2005. There's a good many deletions too because it's ridiculously time-consuming to do this in the first place. Admittedly, several titles are fairly embarrassing to disclose but if judge Robert Bork can suffer the public humiliation of renting such fare as "Day at the Races" --hey that's a pretty good film, mine are way more embarrassing!!!-- then why not? I sometimes rent a DVD only to listen to the extra commentary tracks or watch a brief segment. The power of the remote is an intoxicating thing.

2005 was also a year of Mel Brooks in review, for better or worse.

Note: the films were haphazardly divided into different subject headings that speak for themselves.


Should Have Known Better
_____________________
Boondock Saints - I was led to this film motivated out of sick curiosity. The director of this movie, Troy Duffy, was the subject of a documentary called "Overnight". "Overnight" is a case study of a self-destructive ego let loose in Hollywood. I guess it's amazing that "Boondock" was made after all Duffy's deserved travails but it's still just a piece of crap.
Silver Streak - for some reason I had to recall Gene Wilder in this big hit movie. Was he good, was he obnoxious? Well, he's fairly good and holds his own in a late-70s kinda way, and so did Richard Pryor, RIP. But honestly, I don't have a clue why I chose this.
Kansas City Bomber - a bad film in both a fun way and in a painful way. Raquel Welch beating up chicks on a roller derby track; chewing gum all the while, 'cause that's what tough broads do. Coulda' been much, much better. You have to be pretty lame as a director to not play this up like it deserved.
Return to the Batcave - Adam West could be my alter-ego; Burt Ward has a distorted self-image and he needs to stopped.
_____________________


Sucked
______
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle - I don't even remember watching this.
_____________________


Fell Asleep
________
Heartbeeps - Obscure Andy Kaufman artifact. Doesn't deliver anything, unfortunately.
Bladerunner - Loved it when I was a kid. Rutger Hauer had something going, but during this viewing everything paled somehow.
Spongebob SquarePants Movie - I admit that I didn't give it a chance. It looked OK but I was not in the mood.
Last Days - a ponderous pile of pretension based on the last days of Kurt Cobain.
Beat the Devil - I'm a huge Bogart fan but for some reason I can't sink me teeth into this one. It's possibly my own short-attention span at fault this time. The lighting was all wrong too.
Piccadilly - this also may be a good or great film but I feel asleep.
_____________________


Pleasantly Surprised
________________
Z Channel - Pretty interesting documentary about the man behind Z Channel.
The Corporation - good gloomy documentary to provoke you to idleness and anger. Walmart = global love.
Angels With Dirty Faces - Jimmy Cagney "goes yellow" and cries before his death in the electric chair, but it's a ruse so the kids won't make him into a role model. I just spoiled the plot for everyone. Ha-ha! Good acting and stuff like that.
White Heat - another Cangey vehicle. He's an intense guy that Jimmy Cagney.
_____________________


Returned to Scene of the Crime (seen 'em before)
_____________________
Curb Your Enthusiasm - OK, I'm often ambivalent about this show but I rented them all. There's one episode, however, that I keep returning to from the 4th season, which has Larry cashing in on an anniversary gift which allows him to go to bed with Gina Gershon. She plays a hassidic Jew. It's all satisfyingly convoluted and she's perfectly cast.
Big Lebowski - This is a film I could watch just about once every year.
Sherlock Holmes - the Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce pairing puts me in a cozy alpha state every time, which is just what B&W filmstock was made for. I rented at least six of these.
Repulsion - Roman Polanski classic. Unsettling and economically done. A perfect model for a no-frills, yet nothing lacking, gripping character study.
Carnival of Souls - Ah yes, the classic made by moonlighting educational 16mm filmmakers. Another great movie with a great legacy made on the cheap.
_____________________


Solid
____

Daily Show Indecision 2004 - Great job done by the Daily Show covering the Democratic and GOP conventions. Made me really admire the work of Rob Corddry and Stephen Colbert (I'm woefully behind the viewing curve because I don't have cable).
The Producers - The original Mel Brooks film. Everyone is great/well-casted.
SCTV vol 1 - I can always watch this stuff over and over and never tire of it. I'm just envious of the collaborative luck and chemistry the cast had.
Anchorman Ron Burgundy - This film was just stupid enough for me to like.
Blow-Up - just a good departure for the sick-of-the-contemporary-movie afflicted. This 1966 film does everything on its own terms and, while it edges towards self-indulgence, it's too smart to faulter too badly.
Ren & Stimpy - creator John Kricfalusi-directed selections. It was fine, it was good.
Experimental Cinema of the 20s & 30s - just cool stuff. Like Man Ray Rayographs in motion.
Young Frankenstein - This is a good film because there's so much admiration for the original horror movies that it parodies.
Best of Peabody and Sherman - Mr. Peabody is my patron saint. He has a "wayback machine" and a boy named "Sherman". I used to draw him on many desktops throughout my checkered early education.
_____________________


Great Stuff
________

Cameraman's Revenge - compilation of eccentric animation by Ladislas Starevich. "The Mascot" is the most surreal and satisfying segment.
Little Caesar - There's gangster movies and then there's gangster movies. This one with E G Robinson arguably set the template in 1930 for the genre.
The Hustler - Never saw this before, although i was aware of it. I liked it a lot. I especially loved watching Jackie Gleason who has a seasoned and light-footed grace, all coming from a very un-pretty looking guy. I like my actors unconventional and rough around the edges --while Gleason's not exactly ugly, he'd probably never get to the first wrung today given the premium on model-handsome.
_____________________


Just OK
______

Philadelphia Story - I'm not a big Katherine Hepburn fan but this is a breezy, spirited movie, so it's alright. I guess. Whatever.
Blazing Saddles - This is pretty good movie if you find sustenance in Mad magazine humor.
Bambi - Disney re-mastered this from the technicolor negatives. However, it's SO stable and SO grainless that something organic was taken away and rendered cold. You need SOME film grain to breathe into these old movies. I'm not really so much a fan of Bambi as an admirer of the animators who made it.
Lenny Bruce Without Tears - I know this is sacrilege but, while I find the arc of Bruce's career interesting historically, I'm just not a big hysterical fan. Sorry.
Naked Gun 33 1/3 - I had to see this because I found out that I knew someone who had a cameo in it.
Life & Death of Peter Sellars - Depressing and disillusioning movie based on the life of one of my all-time favorite comedians.
Best of Primetime Glick - low expectations can make for acceptable and pleasant viewings, such as this. Has moments.
Orwell Rolls in His Grave - What was this about? Oh yeah, I've been watching several of these docs which encapsulate the Chomsky take on our being consumed in corporate global politics. I generally get something out of them and I'm glad that they're out there.
Adventures of Errol Flynn - Just a silly documentary about a silly matinee idol. There's many scandalous rumors about Flynn: rapist, nazi, family man. Y'just never know.
Desperately Seeking Seka - A kind of meaningless slice of life revealing that ex-porn star Seka's is just a laid-back (no pun intended) and nonjudgmental ex-porn star.
Adaptation - Any popular film with a brain is always an encouraging combo.
Beyond the Fringe - seminal british comedy. A bit too visually shoddy to watch for the modern viewer, unless you're a big fan. But then what kind of life do you have?
_____________________

Hey Everybody, I'm Insane!

sing it just for me barry!

Here's a shot of me watching Barry Manilow playin' the Hilton in Vegas. This is the kind of material PBS is running at 1:00 a.m. during their pledge drive. Yeah, the same high-minded progressive network that brings you Nova and Frontline. The whole experience, and the sum of its parts, reminded me of watching an episode of Sid & Marty Kroft's "Lidsville" (the theme song of which I've always given high praise to).

I caught myself early on sneering at Barry with my haughty superior attitude. Then I realized, you can hate this crap but you can't hate the MAN. BM's just doing his thing for the bread and the dames. He's just a workin' schlub like the rest of us.

Something is perhaps askew with my life right now.

Wheels Pt.3

This is an "adult tricycle" from 1885. It has matching oil lamps. I'm thinking of buying this one. What a peach! It will certainly enable me to impress the ladies as I peel out, lay a patch and pop wheelies. --Oh, and yes, brodies* too.

Actually I'm not sure if this is a bike or some sort of Victorian time machine. I guess I'm having second thoughts. What exactly does "adult" tricycle imply anyway? Is it kinky? It could either be the best ride of your life or it might make you sterile. ...Like so many other things.

*brodie: to brake and skid the rear wheel so as to make a sharp turn; also broadie [Australian].

Wheels Pt.2

So I just turned another year older again. I really must stop doing that. It's not always easy to find a positive side to this "aging" thing. However, I can say that generally the older I get the less of a spaz I tend to be. It's something to do with metabolism.


Timothy Leary had the best spin on aging where he said something to the effect that old age is like a permanent state of altered-consciousness. His head now resides in a fridge.


People outside of LA may not know this but there are no old people in this town. Therefore, I had to go to the public library and do some research. I finally found an illustrated book of old people, just to see what's in store for the next phase of life.



Here are some photos from the book of old people. I can hardly wait for all the steamy eroticism just around the corner.

Wheels

I'm getting a jones for a new bike.
Maybe one of these here "Orange Krates"... OR???
(open to suggestions)

















and how 'bout that President Bush?

Today's Greeting

Click HERE for my poetic recitation of Helter Skelter.

No, Not Don Knotts

Tell me when this nightmare's over. What a crappy time to lose Don Knotts.

Everyone's gonna be bloggin' about this one.

While I've mentioned this before, I can't imagine anyone saying of the guy, "Don Knott's, what an A-hole". It's a scientific axiom that such a statement cannot be true.

Here's my Don Knotts celebrity-near-encounter: I was in the Aaron Bros Art Store on Westwood Blvd. when he happened to be buying supplies there also. At first I didn't recognize him because he was wearing a floppy beret along with very thick eyewear, the kind you get after having your eyes dilated, and ducking in and out of the aisles. Plus, I try to resist shadowing random individuals in public places anyway. Mr. Knotts was carrying the most massive drawing pad available and he had what looked to be a young female assistant with him (or who knows -his latest art model???).

I was in earshot when he approached the register and a very naive voice asked him, "Are you somebody famous?". The question made me cringe hard but somehow I think the girl running the register spoke with an innocence that superseded any sign of flagrant opportunism. His reply was cordial, typically Knotts-like, utilizing that distinctive hi-register voice, "I'm Don Knotts!". I got the sense that the checkout girl had only the vaguest notion of who Don Knotts was, probably from his nadir Three's Company role, but I was thinking "whoa... I'm next to GENIUS". That sort of celebrity zing doesn't get under my skin very often.

are YOU somebody famous?

The list: Ghost and Mr. Chicken (click HERE for chilling organ music); The Incredible Mr. Limpet (which was supposed to be re-made with Jim Carrey but thankfully abandoned -or was it?); The Reluctant Astronaut; The Love God. Stellar performances all! Enough to make Orson Welles seem flaccid in comparison. Don Knotts, a giant of a performer with natural comic timing and originality. Not least, his television role as Barney Fife in The Andy Griffith Show- magnetic, underrated, iconic.

So sit down, shuttup and learn Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson and the rest of you dolts/part-time runway model primpers with your bloated P.R. machines and eyebrow manicurists in tow! You are nothing compared to THE MAN Don Knotts, even in his grave.


For our next installment we will discuss award-winning apple cobbler recipes.

Honey Bunches of Mp3's

Here's a little ditty I recorded less than a year ago called "Honey Bunch"

Thanks to my friend Dennis who assisted me in figuring out a way to keep adding Mp3s here without having to pay anyone.

click HERE now to pleasure-coat your ears.

Bedridden in the Land of Sick TeeVee

I took suddenly ill a couple days ago. Appears to be food poisoning from a local Indian buffet. I'm still achy with waves of flu symptoms but the violent eruptions from both upper and lower tract have finally subsided. An alien burst out of my stomach and ran out the back door, which I'm hoping indicates that I'm past the halfway mark of my illness. At least I found a new use for the LA Weekly as a spatter absorber.

As a result of this incapacitation I've been watching lots of daytime television. It's been a succession of local news; Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc... in one big blur. The visual pace of everything seems more accelerated than I recall somehow, as each generation of limited attention-span sets a new low. In the end though it's all thoroughly disposable and empty.

I find car commercials especially annoying, where there's a premium put on austere pedestal-building; on being more clever against last years model's visuals and the obsessive continuance of the "bleach by-pass" look. Big-budget dross.

I did enjoy the the Aflac Insurance Duck rescuing the woman from the railroad tracks commercial, done in silent-film style. But that was little compensation, as the balance of my TV viewing was like a Doctor prescribing a Tilt-a-Whirl ride as therapy for my stomach flu.

It's one thing to work in television, and very much a different thing to suffer through watching it. What sort of cultural degradation have I helped to wrought upon this once great land? I apologize to each and every one of you.

Making-of "Dandy's Inferno"

If you cannot comprehend this "behind-the-scenes" clip, good. That means everything is working just as it should. Do not kick the computer out of frustration. This'll probably be the last installment of the Dandy's Inferno film for a while. I'm going to put it on DVD this year, cleaned up with an added commentary track. It'll be a real stone Geritopia gas.

Meanwhile, there's other bottom-feeder cultural stuff waiting in the pipeline.

Dandy's Inferno Excerpt

A musical excerpt from Dandy's Inferno, complete with fire-belching stoves and real chicken feet doing Busby Berkeley dance patterns. Eat your heart out Sid and Marty Kroft!

Can anyone guess what the homage is to at the very end?

Blogging From Work

It's probably not hip to blog unless you do it while at work, which implies that you actually spend the balance of your dynamic life boozing and betting on the ponies. This is my first posting from work. Fill in the blanks.

So here I am and I have nothing to say, except I want to go home.

But let's not talk about me. . . how are you?

"Dandy's Inferno"

This is a trailer for a short film made with fellow comrade/instigator Tony De Los Reyes . It was shot on Super8 in the early 90's; transferred to video and edited in the late 90's. Dandy's Inferno was a cat's-eye-view of chasing gastronomic nirvana, in the form of a basted turkey, through a veritable maze of dark and insidious obstacles. I suppose I may be able to deliver the whole thing here in parts now that I can link video. We'll see.

Cartoons to Expedite Armageddon

I've been asked to do a lot of animation for work in recent weeks. By any standard, it's quick and cheesy stuff but animation is animation and it takes time. I'm typically given 4 hrs. to do a single "nutty" satirical animation addressing some ridiculous celebrity topic. As a byproduct, I've been generating large files of cartoon props; odds and ends; misc. body parts, etc.

While I can't show any samples of the original cartoons, as it might cause riots, bloodshed and conflicts-of-interest in ownership, I'm thinking that there might be some possibilities with collaging recycled pieces, which IS legal.

Here's today's masterwork.

non-political! do not stab the cartoonist, thanks

Visual Retention Test

Last year Los Angeles had something like 30 inches of rain. If you ask me, that's the way it should be. It turned local Temescal Canyon into a tropical paradise full of exotic frogs, parrots, and monkeys with fiery orange posteriors. Sadly, when the weather dries, they are the first to take a cab out of town. I documented the lush scenery with these photo collages.

Bonus KiD's KoRneR: can you pick out the difference between the first and second shot in each set?


(click for larger)

a.

b.

a.

b.

Red Dye #3

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Other Folk's Photos: Adam's Curse Series

"By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground"