Master Art Class in a Bag

The following steps are all you need to make art. This is the same process that I took in creating my famous piece entitled: "untitled", which no one knows about. While the results may look painstaking, the only supplies required are a bag of lima beans, some uncooked macaroni and some household Elmers glue.


First you need to plot a "line of action", plus the essential perspective in blocking out areas of your composition.


Then add thumbnail sketches of where your "stuff" is to be placed. Wearing a beret will assist you greatly here.

Now that all the hard work is finished you can retire to bed and take a well deserved nap. If you are given to drinking absinthe and/or experience erratic mood swings you can ignore all the preceding and skip directly to the next and final step:

"Untitled"

Cover your canvas with glue and apply the macaroni and lima beans [tip: adding a little blood or urine to your palette will get you favorable mention in the review columns]. Presto -ART!

Some artists supplement their work by writing a manifesto. It's true that one doesn't see many manifestos these days. Yet, I predict that the manifesto will be making a big comeback, only they will be cleverly masquerading as "artist statements".

Next installment: how to win friends and influence people with your manifesto.

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p.s. Happy birthday bro Dirk, who will probably never see this.
He's a real gone dad, that Dirk.