Last Gasp on The Open Hearth

I was digging through the vaults and found these beautiful color frame-grabs from my movie: The Open Hearth (May 7th posting below). The original film was shot in 3-strip Technicolor by Greg Toland but, because of various disputes with the studio brass, my negatives were thrown into the ocean along with the lot from Welles' "Magnificent Ambersons". I'll never forgive RKO for that. Out of work and out of luck, Open Hearth was re-shot on recycled video stock. I was determined to see this project to fruition, in keeping with my auteur leanings. We eliminated all the dance numbers, exploding cars and elaborate crane shots; 'secured Herbie and Tony's participation by offering "points" on spec. In the end, it was brought in slightly over-budget at $ 10.00. The Open Hearth premiered in someone's butt... I forget whose it was.

the acropolis

hermes

antigone

zeuss

Nostradamus Scores Again

I gotta say, there's really something very troubling about any product mascot who would cannibalize his own for a buck (and I do mean for a buck-buck-buck!!!). The Pollo Campero food chain invasion has begun. Their mascot shows no sign of remorse as he delightedly holds a plate piled high with the broiled remains of his brothers and sisters. What kind of monstrous icon is this? Why not add a salivating Mr. Potatohead plucking some fries from the plate? It just makes me nauseous.

Double-barrel to the back,
or just the glazed look of greed?

Close-up reveals mascot maintaining composure
under some kind of duress... hmmm.

I hear the food's pretty good there at PC.

For the love of Pete

I've brightened up the contrast and fixed the out-of-synch-ness on the previous posting's movie. Go back and watch it again. Now you can see things.

Joey Polanski, where are you?

Big Fun at the Open Hearth

The "Open Hearth" was my first attempt at documentary --and it shows. It was shot whilst moonlighting with camera equipment from a local cable company. This nine-minute short offers a slice of suburban nightlife during the height of the Reagan-Era.

Folks, give it up for "TNT"! They're a two-man music combo fronted by a tuxedoed Herbie Tepper. Mr. Tepper knows how to push the entertainment envelope. He cajoles his audience by shining a flashlight into their faces; does spot-on impressions of TV's Columbo; sings all the great lounge lizard standards and punctuates jokes with rim-shots from his own drum kit. In a stirring patriotic finale, TNT performs an "olympic medley" as a nod to the sporting event taking place in LA that year. All the while, laid-back musical partner Tony Gianini stokes the musical engine behind Tepper's "complete entertainer" showcase.

"Nucular"

At the conclusion of Kubrick's classic Dr. Strangelove there's a ballet of nuclear explosions set against a wistful "We'll Meet Again". The result was the quintessence of black comedy. More recently, the pairing of music and repetitive declassified atomic test footage has become a genre unto itself.
Tired of the usual grind of skateboard and/or surf movies with their predictable driving guitar soundtracks? Then move on up to countless hours of atomic blast movies, where ANY music score will add to the irony and fun! And, of course, you can easily find 'em on YouTube.com. Luckily for you I've done all the hard work and provided the following highlights:

Pure Armageddon abandonment Here

Same footage, different soundtrack Here

Mash-Up style Here

Holocost gone Classical Here

Extremely scary underground blast Here

...and more Here, Here, & Here

Below is my favorite (yet not entirely musical) clip which pits mannequins -"Mr. and Mrs. America"- against a very severe atomic heat rash.

Mandatory Viewing

Crunchy Golden Chums of Pop

actual size

Here's my impromptu sketch of The Gold State's performance, which took place earlier this evening on the west-side of LA. It was a good, but too brief, set. Many fine feathered friends attended, ta'boot. Such events are a much better alternative to the usual way I spend my Sundays, which typically means staring off into space and drooling. I'm glad that I didn't have to drive all the way to Pedro or Long Beach this time. From now on, everyone brings their band into my town for my convenience.

Treasures from Uncle John's Sock Drawer

Unifinished titles to an unfinished show called "Impact Family". The concept featured a cartoon family (Dottie, Matt & Zoe) flying through space in a car. They continue into deep space searching the dial for a decent radio station, never to be heard from again. All of them wear the same eerie consternated expression for no reason other than I thought it was amusing.

Throw me some money and I'll finish it.

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And Another Dandy's Inferno Clip

OK, this was all my friend Tony's idea. I was just the hired hand who held the camera and tended to the "stunt cat" between takes. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I put these movies up here that someone would notice... that I'd get some respect. That's all, just a little respect.

Enjoy.

Contractual Post

Fellow Kids,

I'm all grown up now and I'm all out of ironic comments. From here on I'm only going to write poetry about seagulls and tips on understanding escrow --plus, delicious new bundt cake recipes. I've consumed enough at Walmart and watched enough TV for 50 men, and now I am made whole in the eyes of social workers everywhere. A distilled and pliant man. I hereby surrender my soul to a future of shuffleboard tournaments and an I.V. line full of iced tea. I used to afraid of this sort of life, surrounded by doilies and porcelain figurines of dutch girls with geese. But, I must say, it's like a pair of soft slippers padding on purple clouds here on the "other side". You'll just have to carry on and don't worry about me.

ZZzZzzzzzzzzzz...

Meanwhile, here's a nice photo of an old firehouse in downtown LA that I took several months back. They don't make firehouses like they used to. They're not as cute. I think Donald Duck worked here in the 30's.

What's it all about Mr. Aquanaut Man?

Eat your heart out Matthew Barney

A few installation shots from 2001.

In retrospect, I'm not sure what we were thinking, but here's the result. The cowboy video (see previous post) was on the TV looping perpetually. [I dropped a plank of lumber on my foot during construction, shedding a toenail from my big toe. I knew that cowboys don't cry, so neither did I.] There were four installations in the gallery. The LA Weekly reviewed the show but made no mention of Aquanaut. That's the price you pay for being too conceptually firebrand.

inspiration: rolls of southwestern wallpaper

aficionados of fine art and excellent brew;
both of these guys look familiar

a desert oasis mood lamp

generic production still

AQUANAUT

Mortality and Dated References

Sometimes people ask me, "How do you keep your hands so soft, so supple?" And of course I tell them "Palmolive dishwashing liquid". Then I pick the person off the floor and go on to explain, "Once I discovered how youthful-looking Palmolive detergent got my hands, I began to build a whole lifestyle around it".

Now I top all my foods off with a dollop of Palmolive liquid. I take sips of it from a flask throughout the day. As a result, I have a continuous flow of soap bubbles percolating from my nostrils. People seem to stay their distance (except for asking about my amzingly soft hands). I am at peace.

madge died in '04

Contemplating the Big Loaf

Maybe putting these videos up over the last several days isn't exactly fair. It's like saying, "here kids, watch TV! I'm just too important and busy for ya!". It's true, I've been neglecting the obligations of personalized journaling and using the tube to babysit y'all.

OK, here's the scoop... I've been distracted by being down in the alley shooting dice with the boys. I'm also working on a epic movie that'll only be shown on this blog. It's full of chariot races and crane shots of Rome burning in full scale. Investors welcome.

Meanwhile, here's my artful interpretation of Joey Polanski by twilight:

Joey.
He's nicer to his readers than I am.

Guest Video

I appreciate this guy. Give it up for Darrell Bluett.

Intermission

From the folks who brought you Dandy's Inferno -- yes, it's another bit of "art" ephemera from me and Tony de los Reyes. Think of it as a thumbnail for a psychological thriller which crosses between themes of alienation, vintage movies, and impotence. Like I said, it's ART, baby! Thanks to Jeff Miller & Dirk and Andy (overcoat thugs extraordinaire).

What's This Then?

I made this for a Mother's Day themed art show several years back. It went unfinished so I tacked on a cheesy ending at the last minute. It was supposed to be about terraforming the planet on a magical steamroller going in reverse... yeah, you know the one. That's me Mum pitching in as the archtypal Babushka. Isn't it cuuuute?

Other Folk's Photos: Random Mess Series

More found photos from the wellspring of estate sales and thrift stores.

Apologies

I want to apologize for the preceding post which was just wrong on so many levels. At least this place has a fresh paint job and a new template. We now resume with our usual wholesome family entertainment.

Thank you.

Geritopia Management

Dog Shit

[To be read with a hand-wringing Andy Rooney-esque whine]

What sparks the turning point in human behavior, and just what do I mean by this? Well, let me tell you. I'm talking about the popular use of plastic bags, usually saved over from the produce dept., finding utility as dog shit scooper-upper devices. Just how did this next level in dog-walking etiquette go completely unexamined, and is it ultimately meaningful or just lending to a false sense of personal responsibility in an out-of-touch world?

Rewind to simpler times. It used to be a world full of clean-cut gas station attendants sporting white uniforms. Yes it was a bountiful America, replete with petticoat girls and lazy lemonade stands. It was Sophie Tucker on the victrola, a bumper crop of corn, and loose chunks of dog shit rolling around the lawn. Yes, I said loose, unaccounted for, and haphazard chunks of dog shit everywhere --and people didn't die!

ever wonder just how much dog shit is out there?

I recall walking to school each morning, having to dance around perilous canine excrement left behind by dogs and their owners during the previous night. Each pile was a signature: some were fresh steamers; some were festooned with embedded crayon bits; some could be mistaken for perfectly delectable Tootsie Rolls; and some were crazy-looking white and powdery, having seen better days. It was all fair game. Dog shit happened.

Then something changed all that simplicity.

Communities are now less integrated; there are more chain-link fences to separate us; people walk in straight determined paths not daring to look into the eyes of an on-coming pedestrian. We lead insular, self-focused lives. So it follows that our humanity never goes out for a walk, but for the grace of our beloved and fashionable dog. And so an opportunity is born for us to give back to our world by bending down and deftly handling fresh hot turds and disposing of them personally. By picking up our dog shit we are saying, "I'm progressive and I'm doing my part to expose the Bush Administration". By picking up our dog shit we exclaim, "in this litigious society I'm protecting you as I protect myself, not that I really give a shit".

Is this really where we want to go, folks?!!! I mean, for heaven'sake, WAKE-UP! Let friends, family and neighbors step in dog shit and stop this pious busy-body effort to rescue everyone from it!

Let America stand firm!

The Most Bloated Post Ever

I've been looking at receipts for my last year's tax report and I found a slew of DVD rental records. So below is my inventory of titles from 2005. There's a good many deletions too because it's ridiculously time-consuming to do this in the first place. Admittedly, several titles are fairly embarrassing to disclose but if judge Robert Bork can suffer the public humiliation of renting such fare as "Day at the Races" --hey that's a pretty good film, mine are way more embarrassing!!!-- then why not? I sometimes rent a DVD only to listen to the extra commentary tracks or watch a brief segment. The power of the remote is an intoxicating thing.

2005 was also a year of Mel Brooks in review, for better or worse.

Note: the films were haphazardly divided into different subject headings that speak for themselves.


Should Have Known Better
_____________________
Boondock Saints - I was led to this film motivated out of sick curiosity. The director of this movie, Troy Duffy, was the subject of a documentary called "Overnight". "Overnight" is a case study of a self-destructive ego let loose in Hollywood. I guess it's amazing that "Boondock" was made after all Duffy's deserved travails but it's still just a piece of crap.
Silver Streak - for some reason I had to recall Gene Wilder in this big hit movie. Was he good, was he obnoxious? Well, he's fairly good and holds his own in a late-70s kinda way, and so did Richard Pryor, RIP. But honestly, I don't have a clue why I chose this.
Kansas City Bomber - a bad film in both a fun way and in a painful way. Raquel Welch beating up chicks on a roller derby track; chewing gum all the while, 'cause that's what tough broads do. Coulda' been much, much better. You have to be pretty lame as a director to not play this up like it deserved.
Return to the Batcave - Adam West could be my alter-ego; Burt Ward has a distorted self-image and he needs to stopped.
_____________________


Sucked
______
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle - I don't even remember watching this.
_____________________


Fell Asleep
________
Heartbeeps - Obscure Andy Kaufman artifact. Doesn't deliver anything, unfortunately.
Bladerunner - Loved it when I was a kid. Rutger Hauer had something going, but during this viewing everything paled somehow.
Spongebob SquarePants Movie - I admit that I didn't give it a chance. It looked OK but I was not in the mood.
Last Days - a ponderous pile of pretension based on the last days of Kurt Cobain.
Beat the Devil - I'm a huge Bogart fan but for some reason I can't sink me teeth into this one. It's possibly my own short-attention span at fault this time. The lighting was all wrong too.
Piccadilly - this also may be a good or great film but I feel asleep.
_____________________


Pleasantly Surprised
________________
Z Channel - Pretty interesting documentary about the man behind Z Channel.
The Corporation - good gloomy documentary to provoke you to idleness and anger. Walmart = global love.
Angels With Dirty Faces - Jimmy Cagney "goes yellow" and cries before his death in the electric chair, but it's a ruse so the kids won't make him into a role model. I just spoiled the plot for everyone. Ha-ha! Good acting and stuff like that.
White Heat - another Cangey vehicle. He's an intense guy that Jimmy Cagney.
_____________________


Returned to Scene of the Crime (seen 'em before)
_____________________
Curb Your Enthusiasm - OK, I'm often ambivalent about this show but I rented them all. There's one episode, however, that I keep returning to from the 4th season, which has Larry cashing in on an anniversary gift which allows him to go to bed with Gina Gershon. She plays a hassidic Jew. It's all satisfyingly convoluted and she's perfectly cast.
Big Lebowski - This is a film I could watch just about once every year.
Sherlock Holmes - the Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce pairing puts me in a cozy alpha state every time, which is just what B&W filmstock was made for. I rented at least six of these.
Repulsion - Roman Polanski classic. Unsettling and economically done. A perfect model for a no-frills, yet nothing lacking, gripping character study.
Carnival of Souls - Ah yes, the classic made by moonlighting educational 16mm filmmakers. Another great movie with a great legacy made on the cheap.
_____________________


Solid
____

Daily Show Indecision 2004 - Great job done by the Daily Show covering the Democratic and GOP conventions. Made me really admire the work of Rob Corddry and Stephen Colbert (I'm woefully behind the viewing curve because I don't have cable).
The Producers - The original Mel Brooks film. Everyone is great/well-casted.
SCTV vol 1 - I can always watch this stuff over and over and never tire of it. I'm just envious of the collaborative luck and chemistry the cast had.
Anchorman Ron Burgundy - This film was just stupid enough for me to like.
Blow-Up - just a good departure for the sick-of-the-contemporary-movie afflicted. This 1966 film does everything on its own terms and, while it edges towards self-indulgence, it's too smart to faulter too badly.
Ren & Stimpy - creator John Kricfalusi-directed selections. It was fine, it was good.
Experimental Cinema of the 20s & 30s - just cool stuff. Like Man Ray Rayographs in motion.
Young Frankenstein - This is a good film because there's so much admiration for the original horror movies that it parodies.
Best of Peabody and Sherman - Mr. Peabody is my patron saint. He has a "wayback machine" and a boy named "Sherman". I used to draw him on many desktops throughout my checkered early education.
_____________________


Great Stuff
________

Cameraman's Revenge - compilation of eccentric animation by Ladislas Starevich. "The Mascot" is the most surreal and satisfying segment.
Little Caesar - There's gangster movies and then there's gangster movies. This one with E G Robinson arguably set the template in 1930 for the genre.
The Hustler - Never saw this before, although i was aware of it. I liked it a lot. I especially loved watching Jackie Gleason who has a seasoned and light-footed grace, all coming from a very un-pretty looking guy. I like my actors unconventional and rough around the edges --while Gleason's not exactly ugly, he'd probably never get to the first wrung today given the premium on model-handsome.
_____________________


Just OK
______

Philadelphia Story - I'm not a big Katherine Hepburn fan but this is a breezy, spirited movie, so it's alright. I guess. Whatever.
Blazing Saddles - This is pretty good movie if you find sustenance in Mad magazine humor.
Bambi - Disney re-mastered this from the technicolor negatives. However, it's SO stable and SO grainless that something organic was taken away and rendered cold. You need SOME film grain to breathe into these old movies. I'm not really so much a fan of Bambi as an admirer of the animators who made it.
Lenny Bruce Without Tears - I know this is sacrilege but, while I find the arc of Bruce's career interesting historically, I'm just not a big hysterical fan. Sorry.
Naked Gun 33 1/3 - I had to see this because I found out that I knew someone who had a cameo in it.
Life & Death of Peter Sellars - Depressing and disillusioning movie based on the life of one of my all-time favorite comedians.
Best of Primetime Glick - low expectations can make for acceptable and pleasant viewings, such as this. Has moments.
Orwell Rolls in His Grave - What was this about? Oh yeah, I've been watching several of these docs which encapsulate the Chomsky take on our being consumed in corporate global politics. I generally get something out of them and I'm glad that they're out there.
Adventures of Errol Flynn - Just a silly documentary about a silly matinee idol. There's many scandalous rumors about Flynn: rapist, nazi, family man. Y'just never know.
Desperately Seeking Seka - A kind of meaningless slice of life revealing that ex-porn star Seka's is just a laid-back (no pun intended) and nonjudgmental ex-porn star.
Adaptation - Any popular film with a brain is always an encouraging combo.
Beyond the Fringe - seminal british comedy. A bit too visually shoddy to watch for the modern viewer, unless you're a big fan. But then what kind of life do you have?
_____________________

Hey Everybody, I'm Insane!

sing it just for me barry!

Here's a shot of me watching Barry Manilow playin' the Hilton in Vegas. This is the kind of material PBS is running at 1:00 a.m. during their pledge drive. Yeah, the same high-minded progressive network that brings you Nova and Frontline. The whole experience, and the sum of its parts, reminded me of watching an episode of Sid & Marty Kroft's "Lidsville" (the theme song of which I've always given high praise to).

I caught myself early on sneering at Barry with my haughty superior attitude. Then I realized, you can hate this crap but you can't hate the MAN. BM's just doing his thing for the bread and the dames. He's just a workin' schlub like the rest of us.

Something is perhaps askew with my life right now.

Wheels Pt.3

This is an "adult tricycle" from 1885. It has matching oil lamps. I'm thinking of buying this one. What a peach! It will certainly enable me to impress the ladies as I peel out, lay a patch and pop wheelies. --Oh, and yes, brodies* too.

Actually I'm not sure if this is a bike or some sort of Victorian time machine. I guess I'm having second thoughts. What exactly does "adult" tricycle imply anyway? Is it kinky? It could either be the best ride of your life or it might make you sterile. ...Like so many other things.

*brodie: to brake and skid the rear wheel so as to make a sharp turn; also broadie [Australian].

Wheels Pt.2

So I just turned another year older again. I really must stop doing that. It's not always easy to find a positive side to this "aging" thing. However, I can say that generally the older I get the less of a spaz I tend to be. It's something to do with metabolism.


Timothy Leary had the best spin on aging where he said something to the effect that old age is like a permanent state of altered-consciousness. His head now resides in a fridge.


People outside of LA may not know this but there are no old people in this town. Therefore, I had to go to the public library and do some research. I finally found an illustrated book of old people, just to see what's in store for the next phase of life.



Here are some photos from the book of old people. I can hardly wait for all the steamy eroticism just around the corner.

Wheels

I'm getting a jones for a new bike.
Maybe one of these here "Orange Krates"... OR???
(open to suggestions)

















and how 'bout that President Bush?