World is Turning, Babies Born, The Crow Flies

Wow. I haven't written anything here in a while. Hello000? I can almost hear an echo in this dried up chamber.

There's actually a lot going on but I can't write about any of it because then people at work would know that I ran nude down the middle of the freeway spray painting cars. That probably wouldn't be good.

People are talking about the planet a lot. I think about it too. It's stunning to me how regular our geosynchronous orbit is when you consider that there's nothing but gravitational forces suspended in a vacuum to keep it all on a rail. So if everyone on one hemisphere of the globe were to jump up and down at the same time, could that not unseat the world's trajectory and cause a perilous plummet into the Sun? ...and don't you appreciate how I upped the drama, that it has to go INTO the sun and not out into dark space? Regardless, then we'd be sorry we all jumped up and down at the same time just because those two wacky morning-drive DJs suggested it as merely a funny stunt for the station!

manufactured agents of the "serious absurdity" principle

People say that science is very logical but I find the fact that stuff, even in its most elementary form, exists at all is very strange/amazing. There's no contract anywhere that says that lead, copper, magnesium, H2O, etc, has to exist and it's just like us to take it all for granted. But let's not go down that road as it's bound to exacerbate peptic ulcers, which zinc is so purportedly handy for.

The preceding is why I get strange glances for giving religion at least some credit for finding an outlet for the existential freakout contained in a paradigm that at least acknowledges the soul's plight of beingness set against a backdrop of infinite serious-absurdity (i.e., pending obliteration and the ritual denial of death via Britney Spears). Anyone still following this? It's true that I don't look at all religious activity the same way but I understand that unless you can live without REM sleep cycles in the human brain and the coded information it's there to process by design, I very much doubt that similarly digressive-to-what's-in-front-of-your-face beliefs will evaporate away by appealing to rationalism or similar construct.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must ascend into my plasma orb.

I Don't Know What to Title This

I have unearthed a couple of paintings I made in High School.

I admit that do kinda' like these acrylic paintings. Perhaps this was the zenith of my creative powers.

Note: I'm adding detail shots because that's what Thomas Kinkade would do.

Something to do while the novocain wears off

I've been throwing random pics of my flashy celebrity lifestyle up on Flickr. One good reason to upload photos on the Web is that it's a back-up repository that can always be accessed in case my local files accidentally catch fire. I can't think on any other good reason at the moment.

So, check it out HERE, baby. It's voyeuristic fun for the whole family!

L. Ronsicle

I was recently asked to create a Photoshop bust of L Ron Hubbard as an ice sculpture for a certain less-than-serious show at a certain less-than-serious Television network. This was one of those rare occasions where I felt I'd made a valuable contribution to American culture.

Will I get into big trouble for posting this? Let's find out.

The People's Wheelie

If Wheelie Bars are for sissies, then what is a "sissy bar"? I love toy companies that encourage laying down a patch of rubber and wheelie stunts without a helmet. I really do. After all, this was the generation that ate butterscotch-flavored centipedes cooked up on a 110-volt Mattel "Incredible Edible" grill. This isn't about nostalgia, this is reality without safety nets.

"Motorcycles do it... even trucks do it" .... let's do it. More lascivious fun from Wham-O !

A Productive Investment of Time

Here's your fresh batch of voyeuristic photos lifted from the local Mac store. They are all as I found them. This being L.A., having your picture uploaded for the world to see is merely another step toward the all-consuming drive for celebrity. This is, after all, a public-service Blog.

High School, High School, Everywhere's High School

No, it's not a minstrel show, just another Super8 clip rescued from the attic. "Derm-O-Flex" was made for a High School Media Study class many moons ago. Of course, this fine bit of Art House fare wouldn't have been possible without Jim, Larry, Christy and Jerome K.

Update (2011): This was shot by Larry Fong, Mr. "Super 8", quite literally.

Miles and Miles of Piles of Guitars

Dirk, the proprietor of Guitar Safari (not to be confused with Quixotic Sephardi) located in the storybook land of San Pedro south of LA, christened and set sail his new store, which looks just like his old store from the 90's, revived from cryogenic suspension. Yes, it was quite the Deja Vu with everything exactly as it was, except that all the on-lookers, myself included, are now ancient and grossly rotund.

So get your gigantic ass in gear and rush down to San Pedro immediately and buy as many guitars, foot pedals, strings, amps and whatever as you can to support Dirk's expensive habit.

Here's a bunch of Opening Day pics you can wrap your eager eyeballs around. Thanks to Dianne for her photo contributions.







This little guy, the embodiment of all the dark forces of the universe, keeps watchful guardianship over Guitar Safari. He's only slightly creepy but, not to worry, he won't stab you mercilessly, so long as you buy a guitar.

Post revelry repose.

Photoshop Slop # 100283: Deconstructed and glued back together

Here's the latest from your local tormented artist: "Girls Gone Wild with Blue Tank". The juxtaposition of the female form with military hardware never fails to convey a sense of jingoistic ardor. So I guess this piece will have to be defined as Agitprop and there's nothing I can say about it.

How did it happen? I was just innocently trying to make a nice picture to hang in a Dentist office. Hopefully, everyone is at least duly agitated and seeking Marxism as an alternative.

Or maybe the version below is better. I can't decide.

Nibbling a little Oprah-noon Delight

Here's one rousing video of the Starland Vocal Band performing "Afternoon Delight" Milli Vanilli-style on Oprah. Make no mistake, Oprah has designs on conquering planet Earth. She's my favorite TV pal and life coach. I just love watching her show with my eyes glazed, whilst guiding spoonfuls of cake frosting into my mouth.



I wonder what would happen if you put the members of Starland Vocal Band and Abba together in a centrifuge and blended them together? What kind of monster pop band would be unleashed to do battle with Oprah against the Tokyo skyline? No my friends, it's too horrible to even contemplate.

Dubious Pasttimes

If you visit the Apple Store and open the Photo Booth software that's on every Mac, you'll likely see photos that customers take of themselves and leave behind. OK, that's one thing but what sort of nut would forward one to his email and then post it on a blog like this?

adrift without earbuds

Mandatory TV

The Return of Closet World

Back in February, I posted a convoluted story revolving around an obscure commercial for Closet World. A reader named Michelle just left a comment there, mentioning that she'd been on a similar quest to find any scrap of evidence for this commercial on the Web, but to no avail. So, taking matters into her own hands, she made the following video of herself performing a heartfelt rendition of the Closet World jingle.



Is it presumptuous or creepy of me to take the liberty of posing this video? Cast your vote!

Cake Indentities

This is what blogging is all about. All my efforts, the sleepless nights, the alcoholic binges, and the hernias resulting from hefting Bloggy-Blog to its current iconic stature, have all culminated with this singular defining post.

Yes, the generous folks at the old Fairfax' Farmer's Market Pastry Shop permitted me to copy images from their scrapbook of personalized cakes! This gallery of confections has been an under-appreciated treasure for too long. I'm sure you'll agree that every single customized cake is a culinary masterwork worthy of only the most refined of digestive tracts.

grilled steak and stuffed potato cake with chardonnay

pregnant taco cake

watermelon cake with cryptic youth culture message

a 'Quincy' cake, starring Jack Klugman

stolen bag of loot cake

liberace's protégé cake

lucky leather-scented shoe cake

highly desirable spam cake

bar mitzvah w/prayer shawl cake. 'way to go larry!

cat and mouse cake. no apologizing for dead rodents in this kitchen

hulk cake. the only known cake you have to negotiate with

kleenex cake... it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to

the mixed-up bucket of chicken stuck inside a cake's body
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Sorry if this came off too much like some kind of lame-ass Jay Leno segment. As usual, I'll try to come up with something better next time.

Flim Flam Film Fan Flan

I'll try to approach this authoritatively.

The 1967 version of Casino Royale made for a fairly ponderous comedy. Several directors oversaw individual segments and the whole goulash was then strewn together, resulting in major continuity gaps and narrative flaws. None of this was helped by Peter Sellers walking off the project prematurely. I've always though that Sellers came across as a cool dude but apparently, except for Stanley Kubrick, everyone reported that he was a monster to work with.

On the other hand, this Bond spoof is placed right in the middle of one of my favorite decades for film set design. So, visually, it more than makes up for what it lacks in story.

...Oh yeah, the score to Casino Royale was by Herb Alpert which lent the perfect union of kitsch for later generations to gawk at --and yet another reason why this chaotic mess deserves to be enshrined.

Click any image for large view.

my favorite shot, hands-down: slo-mo feathers and ursula andres spinning on a circular bed

some anonymous loser

no 60s comedy is worth it's salt without a hallucination sequence

60s computers were the BEST! I've always puzzled over how the 60s could look more modern than the 70s. is it because the 70's saw us scaling back on our vaunted expectations of the future due to the mounting political corrosion ? what do you say, Joey Polanski?

woody allen IS Jimmy Bond... this was his second film, following "what's new pussycat?"