Sunday, February 17, 2008
Toiling For Mud: The story of an aborted blog
You'd never want to write too consistently on a personal blog because it just starts to look sad. On the other hand, if you write too infrequently, you risk losing your loyal (paid) readership. The sophisticated thing to do then is to share the writing output with a partner.
Not wishing to signal to the world the enormous chunks of time I routinely devote to staring off into space, I figured that installing a guest writer here would be an excellent decoy. But who would I get? I wanted my guest to be a sensation, perhaps someone with a public profile. I've learned from the wisdom of the entertainment industry that when you can't get A-list, you go for B. [ If you can't get B-list, then you get the dolphin show guys. ] The zero-budget solution was to recruit my favorite TV commercial mascot: the dancing 3D man from the Closet World ad! He could be great asset by blogging about his unique celebrity lifestyle.
The snag, unfortunately, is that it appears that I'm one of maybe two people who actually know who the Closet World dancing man is. I came to this conclusion because there's such a glaring lack of information about him on the Web and absolutely no image resources (are my excursions into "fringe" culture really that esoteric, compared to the wealth of UFO sites and internet conspiracy theories?!). So I couldn't very well justify serving as ghost writer for this ridiculous obscure mascot, let alone doing so without accompanying graphics of the man himself.
There was but one internet oasis that committed to print an examination of the Closet World oeuvre --a blog, appropriately entitled "Airsick Moth" features an excellent deconstruction of this most underground of personalities: "Is it Closet World's aim to distract us from the less-than-interesting prospect of shopping for closet-oriented retail merchandise and installation services, by dazzling us with the disturbing jolts and twitches of the white-striped faceless effigy of the human soul, manipulating it into a cruel puppet-show foretelling of our enslavement to an addiction of competitively priced home improvement services, coat racks, and storage bins? " "...his modus operandi remains the same: a joyless thumping of pale, stiff limbs -- movement, but not life."
For those of you who have not witnessed the eeriness of Closet World's advertisement, I'm sorry. You'll just have to sit up and watch more local television at 2am.
If anyone can find me an image of the REAL Closet World figure, I will buy you a bag of those marshmallow peanut things as a reward.