Thursday, August 31, 2006

Non-Threatening Pastimes Stolen From NPR

I just overheard an NPR host encouraging listeners to write in to answer the following survey question: "What film do you watch over and over? ". I went to their website and couldn't find the bloody link. Perhaps it's now expired. To vent my disasppointment, I'm going to bring it here and ask YOU, the astute reader of this blog, to answer the same question.

Ready, go.

I will collect the responses and make a pie.

Monday, August 28, 2006

iMonkeyPaw Pt. II

Charlie Bo Barley said...
I wanna hear the audio file!

OK, HERE it is. As usual, it's all rather idiosyncratic and you can't bob your head to it.

Oh, and the corrupted music notation software (previous post) was part of Logic Express, although the "song" was actually recorded on Garageband. It's a long story of no particular import... and that's the wonder of blogging.

Sunday, August 27, 2006


Listen up you mugs,

I have this here whatch'call "music software" that'll print out what which you push on the 88 keys, see? No matter what you play, it usually looks very impressive, see? It's as if you brought your composition to life using a pen and quill. It really gets the dames all excited. You can't miss! Even you non-musician dopes can do it.

Here's a little number of mine, which you can play, entitled "Proclimation de constipation". Now get crackin'!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Macca Spuds is loaded with Paul McCartney clips. His face is everywhere, doing this and prattling on about that. It's like he's cruising to supernova for billions of fans on a global satellite link. The good news is that he's finally gotten 'round to showing us how to make mashed potatoes in this video --and I say it's about time!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Uber Geek's Remote Blog Overdrive

I'm at an Apple store. Someone left their "Photo Booth" photos on the desktop of this demo computer. Here's one of them:

Monday, August 14, 2006

Free-Association Fun and Whimsy

OK, I'll going to start with one simple word in the comments' section. You must reply with a response word that you free-associate to it. The next person adds to that and on-and-on... It's the perfect game to play while on long car trips or while comatose, etc.

Ready, get set, go!

Friday, August 11, 2006

My Tom Cruise Makeover

You may have heard the rumors. It's true, I've had some surgery done. Yes, I'm moving closer to looking like my nemesis Tom Cruise, so that I can displace his Star status and impress the ladies. ...and that's pretty much what it comes down to, if I'm going to be motivated to leave the house on a daily basis.

Seamless teeth, ladies and gentlemen. That's the ticket to celebrity. A perpetual smile endears you, swiftly moving you up the red carpet social ladder. People are automatically going to be thinking, "he knows what he's doing, follow his lead... he's got big teeth!"

As an actor, you need one expression in your arsenal to cover all the emotional bases of the "leading man" character. The piercing eyebrows have it! Trust me. This simple move will get you by whenever you need to convey the look of determination, concentration, intrigue, anger, protectiveness, etc. Meanwhile, your confident big teeth will distract from your mediocre acting skills, as your demographic was weaned on TV and toothpaste ads.

With the Summer power outtages hitting major metropolitain areas, you can stand in the middle of the road and use your highly reflective teeth to remind drivers to stay in their appropriate lanes.

So ladies... what'ya think? I know you're impressed!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Ambivalence Ho!

I listen to a lot of NPR, college radio and BBC when I'm at work. At the same time I'm working up graphics which accompany the fluffiest of all broadcasting: news flashes about Britney Spears' earlobe hemorrhage, Jessica Simpson's plastic surgery, Tom Cruise's teeth memorialized by the Vicar of the Universe, etc. So, I get an earful of considered, academic broadcasting cross-influencing my brain as I'm toiling with putting together disposable entertainment dreck under deadline. It's truly a self-loathing exercise and I should seek immediate help.

Recently I've noticed a lot of airplay on these radio station of Johnny Cash's final recordings. There's a kind of obligatory side to all this, like how NPR tends to feature little back woods stories about folksy people and their naive art, which is eventually fetched up, exploited and sold by city hipsters. These stories are conspicuous in how they try to bring some fresh air into an otherwise suffocating didactic stream of "smart people" news and music... but I digress.

So, like I saying, there's these last recordings of Johnny Cash. I'm having trouble with them because they couldn't make me feel more ambivalent. They situate me right, exactly in the middle between like and dislike. I just started reading a bit about these recordings and their undertaking. I'm admittedly sadly well behind the curve. So, I guess from what I'm learning, many are saying that the critics who object to these recordings as synthetic and half-assed should just get over themselves.

But ambivalence wouldn't be ambivalence without me saying that I sort of like these recordings too. That is, to the extent that Cash could probably read a Bazooka Joe comic and immerse the ear with his inimitable quivering soulful texture. That can't help but pay off. But, again, I still get a bad taste in my mouth about the whole exercise of recording the guy during his dying days, and doing this just because we want to salvage some last particles of something that our current culture cannot even come close to delivering in a popular form. It winds up making us all look pretty lame.

Having said this, I'm just ambivalent enough to welcome my legions of readers to try to persuade me either pro or con about this whole stupid mess. Ready, go.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I'm Changing My Name

From this time forward, I shall be addressed as "Mandingo".



Thursday, August 03, 2006

Losers Blowout!

[click for a rush]

Weee!!! Hey kids, it's the latest screen saver, free for the download from Geritopia Enterprises! Yes, it's almost too incredible to believe! This is the actual one-hit Romanian band, The Night Losers, in their prime configuration as your own screen saver! So save your screen today with these jaunty fellows! Feast your eyes and fetishize this incredible group of musicians. Fixate on each personality and dream about 'em. There's the "cheeky" one, the "quiet" one, the "cool" one, and the one with "perpetual ice crystals above his top lip"! They're so cuuuuute! Build an altar to 'em. Share with your friends! Write a doctoral thesis about the Night Losers and their impact on post-colonial Marxist industrialists and how they once cut you off in traffic! Eat an entire rum cake! Mix and match. Look deep into the dark gaping maw of mortality. Feel the force of its gravity sucking you in! Do it, do it, do it!!!