Friday, August 11, 2006

My Tom Cruise Makeover

You may have heard the rumors. It's true, I've had some surgery done. Yes, I'm moving closer to looking like my nemesis Tom Cruise, so that I can displace his Star status and impress the ladies. ...and that's pretty much what it comes down to, if I'm going to be motivated to leave the house on a daily basis.


Seamless teeth, ladies and gentlemen. That's the ticket to celebrity. A perpetual smile endears you, swiftly moving you up the red carpet social ladder. People are automatically going to be thinking, "he knows what he's doing, follow his lead... he's got big teeth!"

As an actor, you need one expression in your arsenal to cover all the emotional bases of the "leading man" character. The piercing eyebrows have it! Trust me. This simple move will get you by whenever you need to convey the look of determination, concentration, intrigue, anger, protectiveness, etc. Meanwhile, your confident big teeth will distract from your mediocre acting skills, as your demographic was weaned on TV and toothpaste ads.


With the Summer power outtages hitting major metropolitain areas, you can stand in the middle of the road and use your highly reflective teeth to remind drivers to stay in their appropriate lanes.

So ladies... what'ya think? I know you're impressed!

6 comments:

Joey Polanski said...

So hows come Alvin & th Chipmunks aint still toppin th charts?

Charlie Bo Barley said...

Whoa, Dude! Next time read the warnings on that box of Whitening Strips--ya left them on too long. And watch out for "radium" in the list of ingredients.

(I like how your portrait looks like one of your cartoon dogs, drawn on a desk in high school Spanish class.)

Geritopia said...

The whitening strips wont come off but it didn't take me long to realize what a great advantage that is.

...and Joey, You really display your blogging acumen by addressing a subject that I was going to post about tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Damn, Mandingo! You are HOT! wanna' go out with me?

paul said...

Cool! I'm gonna do the same thing with my Biori strips!
(Those are the blackhead-removing strips that you stick on your nose.)

Cocovan said...

Your "Cruise"'n for a bruise'n Mister!.........