Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Mother of all Posts

In yet another rant designed to alienate every last person I know, I just have to ask: How did sports reporting slither its way into becoming a legit part of newscasting ?

I wonder.

I just can't see any justifiable reason why my daily viewing of brutality, murder and mayhem must give way to an interval of sports banter! It's as though you're not a normal member of society if you just don't give a crap about it.

There's typically some bumbling, but lovable, oaf by the name of "Buddy" anchoring the sports segment (I'm merely deflecting my jealousy here because he's the same "jock" who always got the chicks in high school --which, for me, was a morbidly depressing tip-off at how unjust the universe was, and is). Somehow, by his very presence, the sports reporter inspires all the other anchors to relax from the shackles of feigned serious expressions. They spot the Dodger pin on the lapel and become completely docile, receptive to any suggestion. Yet, eventually, the news team must collect itself and press on with the hard-boiled stories of brutality, murder and mayhem. Now away from the camera, the sports anchor is unplugged by a technician and, with great solemnity, wheeled back to his chamber of suspended animation.

With all the preceding in mind, I'm encouraging my fellow Blogger-thusiasts to vote Yes on Prop. 132, which shalll relegate all sports broadcasting to its appropriate time slot (around 3 am), never to be integrated into news programming again. Sponsored, of course, by the clean wholesome fun people here at BloggyBlog. "We Love Shaved Pits!"


Meanwhile, here ya go: Tampa Bay 4 vs. N.Y. Yankees 6


[Afterthought: I will give Vin Scully credit as a baseball announcer, as I recall his nasally voice wafting out of AM transistor radios during summer days of yore. Its effect on me was, no less, narcotic-like: "Don Drysdale on the mound...." Ahhhh, yes. Lemonaide, dichondra grass and Scully. Otherwise, I have some kind of genetic deficit when it comes to being a sports spectator. Me Not Caring: 6 vs. The World Not Caring That I Don't Care: 10.]

6 comments:

Cocovan said...

Six of one, Half a dozen of the "Other(s)"

Charlie Bo Barley said...

I'm resigned to sports having its place in broadcast news (and even in the NY Times). I don't follow sports, but some of my best friends do. Relief is a click of the remote away.

What really sticks in my craw is during the morning newscast, when they promote that evening's reality shows(on their network, of course) as if they were real news! Tonight on Big Brother: Which contestant has Irratable Bowel Syndrome?

Geritopia said...

How dare the NY Times include hard news in its sports. Contrarians unite! No don't. Yes do. No. Yes............. (to infinity)

Anybody want half a peanut butter sandwich?

simple said...

You watch the news?

Is that penut butter sandwich a diagonal half or rectangular half-and, is the crust cut off?

Joey Polanski said...

Im SPRIZD at you!

As a filmmakr, you MUSTA noticd that th one thing SORELY lackin in th Zapruder film was good color commentary!

linduh said...

a. watching the news (esp. local news) is a losing cause. you should take up knitting.

2. sports is news. you're not a sports fan tho, so you're biased or something. sports news is like the weather report. it happens and many people care. you might not care, but many people do, which is why they include sports in the news.