Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Notes From a Resplended Crawl Space

I'm lying around my apartment congested, wheezing, and coughing. Inspired by a steady intake of Reality TV, I thought that detailing my cold in real-time might make for a thrilling blog experience.

There! --right there, I just sneezed! Ghaaahhhh. It's live coverage as each symptom of the virus unfolds, coming at you thanks to streaming text. Will I survive this? Now I'm stooped and dragging my feet over to the bathroom to fetch another wad of toilet paper for my nose. Oh I just caught my foot on an electrical cable. I've hit the ground. This is one of the worst catastrophes in the world. It's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's flames now. Oh the humanity!!!

Gripping, eh? If you desire more live drippy sinus coverage, you'll need to subscribe to the exclusive Golden Altar Room.

Meanwhile, very little has been going on, which partly explains my absence. Well, there's very little going on, except for this minor issue of subatomic entropy which is gradually darkening significant corners of the universe. This subject is of so under the radar to the inhabitants of this planet, that it only made the back pages of the Tortoise Lover's Field Guide & Gazette. It's enough to make me sick.

Other topics were pulling at my coattails and vying for attention over the last couple weeks, yet never quite making it to print here at Geritopia (a tax-exempt, semi-nudist enterprise). Among them: How the level of narcissism in L.A. is so grossly all-pervasive as to hamper the acting out of my own self-serving/self-promoting impulses. I'm always amazed at the shallowness of this town and I will do anything and everything to prove that I'm better.

Lastly, I was going to talk about dietary ethics and Domino's new "Oreo Dessert Pizza" --a shit pile concoction of sugary cookie crumbs topped with globs of frosting. But then I sampled one and I was transformed. I found peace and wholeness. Don't be afraid. It's OK to step over to the other side; you'll never need to get uptight again. Eat it. EAT IT!!!


Cocovan said...

Ann Martin is HOT!
She can be my squaw, And wearing just a "Brando" smile......If you know what I mean....Wink,Wink.....

Chuck McBuck said...

Now you've got me convinced that Mr. Ed was a German show brought to the US by some inspired network hack. Somehow things sound so much more authentic when sung in German.

I am happy to live out of broadcast range of Paul Moyer & Ann Martin. Ditto Marlon Brando.