Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Dr. Smith's Final Conquest

Still sick. I've been reading up on how colds work. What's the mechanism behind the sore throat and the unrelenting rivers of snot? Meanwhile, everyone has their own holistic remedies and tips to offer but the only relief I can find seems to be from my good friend Mr. Nyquil, cherry flavored.

Cold viruses attach themselves to humans and primates only. Other animals get off scott-free. It only takes from 1 to 10 individual viruses to make you sick.

A cold virus is a tiny warlock killing machine swinging a spiked mace, marauding through the chambers of your upper respiratory system. He'll mess with your DNA and he's a randy pest, causing infected cells to explode with droves of replicant viral spawn. All this sex talk is making me feel amorous.

You might ask if these parasites are from outer space. So are they? The curious thing is that there's no forward-evolutionary purpose to all this. It's as though nature has an anti-social side on the cellular level, because apparently we're not supposed to feel all nice an healthy 100% of the time. These things build character, as well as lead to potentially lethal complications.

Maybe this is a microbial Banksy stunt.

3 comments:

Charley Barley said...

Yeah, I've been living on Walgreens Cold Tablets this week--a cheerful yellow & white sandwich of acetaminophen, decongestant & antihistamine. Works pretty good. Perhaps I caught this "virus" from reading your blog (hyuk hyuk). Get well soon.

charley again said...

By the way, that Banksy piece was fascinating. I wish the illegible taggers in my town would get a clue from him.

Geritopia said...

I went to a show here in LA not too long ago which was an all-Banksy affair. There was a painted elephant standing in a mocked-up living room, that didn't go over so well with animal-rights people (there were lots of camera flashes going on and the paint on the elephant's skin was perceived as demeaning). I think the guy's very talented as an artist but I'm ambivalent about his cheeky approach to self-promotion, perhaps because it works so well.