Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Kim Jong-il's Personal Vendetta Against Me

What better day to lob an intercontinental ballistic missile at Los Angeles than the 4th of July? One can just imagine the captive audience already lined up on lawn chairs and applauding the community fireworks show. Then, Boom! -- a very impressive mushroom cloud consumes the sky. Requisite applause, hooting and a complacent suck-up of beer follows. Instinctively the crowd takes this as the finale. "Gee honey, our faces are melting off our skulls... maybe we oughta go back indoors and watch something starring Tim Allen. That always seems to help".

It turns out that Kim Jong-il's latest attempt to settle the score with me wound up being a dud, at least for the time being. If you've been following this story, North Korea's latest long-range missile attack on Southern California fell a bit short and into the ocean only minutes after launch yesterday.

In better times, Jong-il and I were solid and together in China during the 60s, along with Eldridge Cleaver. We'd been training to liberate the name and likeness of Bugs Bunny so that it could be used indiscriminately without regard to royalty tariffs and/or fees --the very blight of Capitalism. It was during this period that I'd borrowed a No2 pencil from my comrade, which I subsequently misplaced. Soon after, I was being confronted with accusations of conspiring to abscond with the "Peoples' Pencil". So, it's because of this incident that Kim Jong-il has been plotting against me for all these years.

Yes, LA's future annihilation is all my fault.

Some say that the leader of North Korea is a demented man, whose worm-holed brain is teeming with syphilitic spirochetes, but I know that this really a tale of unrequited love between a boy and a shiny yellow Ticonderoga pencil.

the end


Ryan said...

Its ok. It's just LA. Its not like anything important happens there.

Yeah, you can kill me now.

Cocovan said...

I swallowed my gum!

Anonymous said...

Geritopia, that is an amazing painting! (or collage) (assuming it's yours) Just tying those three diverse personalities together (with Pabst Blue Ribbon!) boggles my tiny mind.

Just saw these scary photos of atmospheric nuclear tests visible from L.A.

P.S. This pony fixation is worrying me.

Chaz B. Barley

Joey Polanski said...

Tim Allen is HUGE in Korea.

Then again ... who AINT?

Geritopia said...

Yes Chaz, that's a painting. It's painted on my stomach and measures approximately 80feet x 120feet. You can't actually see it on the outside 'cause it's literally painted on my stomach (the organ inside my body).

Too much to explain, so little time.

The pony is my radiation shield and all around talisman of love.

Charlie Bo Barley said...

I apologize for questioning your ponyphilia. They are damn cute, even contemplating their sinful deeds.

(Inspired by your honesty, I've also come "out of the closet". Anonymous no longer, I've got me a real fake name here in Blogville!)

Cocovan said...

I gave my gum to a pony!

simple said...

I always had a problem with #2 pencils. I can't stand second best when BEST (#1 pencils) cost about the same. I always figured it was some horrible plot of the public school system to keep us down. Couldn't you send him a box of #1's and an apology and get it over with?

Oh, never mind. The postage and all... Bush needs something to keep some froth whipped up. Let 'em destroy us.