Sunday, January 14, 2007
Presidential Moments in a Depressive Coma
I woke up today and across the room sat Richard Nixon staring at me across the dusty hues of dawn. His countenance shone like lightening as he spoke unto me, "do not fear for I bring you wisdom and sound direction in this confused time". As my teeth chattered a frantic S.O.S. signal, I dragged a plush powder blue blanket over my head, "I cannot come out, for you are Richard Nixon and because of this I not only have fear but also trembling and a challenged bladder".
Unmoved, Nixon sounded a command that rolled like thunder, "You will march to the fridge and prepare for me a bologna sandwich as an offering. It will be 20 by 22 cubits with a dollop of cheese whiz and shall be cut diagonally. If you do not cut it diagonally, a rain of locusts will beat upon your car and mar the finish.
And so I prepared the sandwich, hoping to placate the moody apparition from Yorba Linda before things got ugly. However, when I returned, he was gone. On the chair where he once sat was a pile of peanut shells and a note that read: "You are loved".