Before you do anything else, go to the online Moist Towelette Museum.
So, music combo "The Police" are back together. It's alright by me. Why should I care when I've spent all my petty rage whining about the Beatles' "Love" project? Sting still looks like Sting. Copeland looks like Ted Danson on drums. And Summers looks exactly like me. He might consider the Specs'N Nose solution for that eternally youthful look.
What else is in the news? North Korea will be suspending its plan to lob missiles at my forehead, and for that I'm mighty grateful. Add another nation to our payroll so they don't kill us. Now I can walk down the street with confidence and not wear so much antiperspirant on my upper lip.
And finally, I would like to formally announce my plans to marry my car so that I can start a super race of Model T's with my face on the grille.