Truth is that I've been on a hunger-strike in protest of the low readership of my blog. I was hoping to catapult myself into the national spotlight by eating only the tears streaming down my face. The problem is that I forgot to tell anybody that I was protesting and now, alas, I am dead. The good news I can still post remotely via my BlackBerry. Hell is full of BlackBerries.
It would have been much better had I over-eaten myself to death. Then at least I'd have my 15 minutes on the Jerry Springer Show. I could just see myself plopping down on the stage and rolling bodily into the audience like a human bowling ball. Then I might have been somebody! I could have been a contender!
Can you hear the crickets chirping?