Friday, October 21, 2005
The Mystery of the Sidewalk Nipples, Cont.
So there I was riding my bike down Autumn lanes, feeling expansive and virile in the open air. My mood became unsettled when I began spotting more and more of the dreaded sidewalk nipples (see yesterday's post below) as they passed rhythmically under my wheels. 'Kah-klunk-kah-klunk', until the entire sidewalk was literally paved solid with sidewalk nipples! I chanced upon a gypsy woman who spoke a haunting riddle: "watch for the bald man, for he sets all things backward and forwards with his rusty stopwatch". Hearing this, I squeezed the brakes on the handlebars which sent me almost colliding into the paperboy as he yelled out the day's headlines: "Sidewalk Nipple Menace Causes Global Chaos!!! -- World Leaders Helpless On War Against Sidewalk Nipples!!!".
In that instant the world around me darkened. Confusion filled the streets. The din of honking horns; the unruly sight of fruit carts overturned everywhere. I ran into the Italian organ grinder man who pointed me one direction...
And then the magician pointed yet in another direction. Upset and confused, I pumped the bike pedals faster and faster, not knowing where I was or where I would find myself next.
Suddenly braking again, a line of pulverized rubber skid mark stopped short of his towering, eerie presence. A silence, save for my racing heart. I look up to see the Bald Man with the rusty stopwatch that the fortune teller had spoken of!
And he was mammoth. The man slowly glanced down at me with his winsome smirk. "Are you responsible for the Sidewalk Nipple invasion?", I cried. "No", he replied, which I suppose lets him off the hook.