I wasn't sure if I could stomach doing a "bit" here so similar to the blooper articles that Jay Leno features on his not-so-great show, so I must be feeling unusually sadistic.
I've been receiving a high volume of Halloween-themed junk mail from places like "Party America" and "Smart & Final" at my home. And so here's some recycled junky highlights just for you, dear reader!
These costumes have potential usefulness for internet dating profiles. What lucky lady wouldn't want to go out with a handsome walking toilet? See how he seductively obliges with the seat down! Or bleeding devil? His outpouring heart just keeps on giving. And Elvis alter ego. A frozen sneer will always get you to home plate, my friend. I already sorta' resemble used car salesman, so where's my royalties Mr. Corporate Costume Maker Man?
Wait, who needs costumes when I've still got my smelly Jack in the Box uniform? I'll go as Shaukat!
And how 'bout that Lazy Town Stephanie? I'm guessing that she must be from Lazy Town. I want my celebrity gossip to be about her sordid affairs... no more of this bourgeois Paris Hilton crap!
...but speaking of "Scary", get a load of them Farmer John Bacon & Hot Dog Mummies! "Hey, like, what's up with that?" [cue canned laughter]