I swear by gum, if you're ever sitting across from a friend and you need to inform him/her of a foreign object on their face or something stuck in their teeth, they will always search the wrong side first. Even if you attempt a preemptive give-'em-the-wrong-side-first maneuver, you will lose. Further, the whole affair will always take longer than it should and it will will be followed by an awkward mix of embarrassment and relief.
The solution is to intentionally leave stray particles in your teeth. And yes, go ahead, celebrate things hanging out of your nose as a liberating fashion statement. Don't cave to normative social standards! Only then can we begin to eliminate these Victorian hang-ups of ours. This will be the campaign cornerstone for my Presidential run in '08.
Next installment: we explore how flash cameras will always fail in the hands of a well-meaning bystander, even when they are pressing the correct button.