Tuesday, December 13, 2005

More Consistent than Taxes, Death...

I swear by gum, if you're ever sitting across from a friend and you need to inform him/her of a foreign object on their face or something stuck in their teeth, they will always search the wrong side first. Even if you attempt a preemptive give-'em-the-wrong-side-first maneuver, you will lose. Further, the whole affair will always take longer than it should and it will will be followed by an awkward mix of embarrassment and relief.

The solution is to intentionally leave stray particles in your teeth. And yes, go ahead, celebrate things hanging out of your nose as a liberating fashion statement. Don't cave to normative social standards! Only then can we begin to eliminate these Victorian hang-ups of ours. This will be the campaign cornerstone for my Presidential run in '08.


Next installment: we explore how flash cameras will always fail in the hands of a well-meaning bystander, even when they are pressing the correct button.

5 comments:

Joey Polanski said...

An heres where death comes in.

Same fnomenon can be observd on bike trails: Shout "Ill be passin on yer left!" to pdestrians walkin th trail in th same drection an almos invariably theyll move TO THEIR LEFT!

kaSPLATski!

Anonymous said...

I believe that's called the "Deer in the headlights" phenomenon. All they hear is left.

Why does your car always have a problem until you get it to the mechanic? "I swear, it was broken two minutes ago!"

Joey Polanski said...

Id like t meet a meckanic who wont find SOMPM wrong wit ANY car ya bring im!

Cocovan said...

I have a tattoo of a small crumb on my left cheek, Oh what fun it is in a one horse open sleigh....

Geritopia said...

No, that's your RIGHT cheek. and don't forget to turn it when your enemy smites thee.