Friday, November 18, 2005

Bloggy Stigmata

I was a too overwhelmed to mention this earlier, but if you refer back to the overall pattern created by the text on last Tuesday's medley lyrics, you will clearly see a supernatural phenomenon. It looks just like the face on the Shroud of Turin!

Check it out:

I suppose this means I can sell it on Ebay.


Joey Polanski said...

Now that my faith has been increasd, can I sell th exess on Ebay?

Cocovan said...

Is that the face on the shroud?...
Or is it the face from a package of rolling papers?................
Not that I would know.............
Really, I wouldn't................

ss said...

You’ll never see the Shroud of Turin and the Zig Zag Man in the same room at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Introduction: This is not a coincidence and it clearly correlates to prophesy! For the very moment these lyrics were posted on the internet, an amazing discovery happened in Egypt at the Great Pyramid of Giza. A Jesus "Love Letter" was found in a hidden chamber in the shape of a heart. The actually letter itself turns out to be the exact same proportions of the head of Jesus (see "Shroud of Turin"). Weird huh? Although it appears that the chamber had been robbed by grave robbers, a lonely scroll was found that had either been overlooked or dismissed by the thieves. Either way, it's one of the lost "Love Letters" that Jesus had written. What you first shall read here, is actually the story that tells how Jesus (who many thought was a eunuch) eventually fell in love for the very first time and then wrote his first love letter. The whole fascinating story is told by a scribe who was the one of the "unknown" sidekicks of Jesus who was there to tell the tale. The Bible will now have to be updated due to this earthshaking find.

On the Hunt,
Indiana Jones

P.S. And thank-you general public for your patience of over 2000 years.

"Will Work for Sleep"
(Finish Your Life...then Eternally Rest in Peace in Heaven)

Jesus was riding his ass into Rome to protest the bloody "Carnival of Animals" in the Coliseum in which 5,000 animals were killed each day during the festival. But his stubborn ass for the hundredth time stop moving. A frustrated Jesus finally lost his patience and gently kicked his ass in an attempt to get going again. This created a commotion that drew the prostitutes to their balconies where they teased and catcalled Jesus. Jesus blushed and became very embarrassed. In a last ditch effort, he lit a small fire under his ass and begged his him to please get moving. But the fire got out-of-hand and suddenly his ass bust into flames and glowed as a burnt offering.

Distraught and deeply disgusted with himself, Jesus went into the nearest saloon/whorehouse for a cold one to settle his frazzled nerves and to find someone to wash his smelly feet. And then, there she was, the most beautiful "Lady of the Night" he'd ever seen.....and her name.....was "Sandpiper." She winked and then offered him a lap dance, but Jesus sheepishly replied that he would have to take a rain-check. She then slowly swish-swashed away in a pattern that was ever so enticing.

Jesus could no longer contain his passion for her. He than ran frantically after her. Grabbing her, he pleaded with her to run away with him, to leave her decrepitude and join him on his mission to save his animal friends from slaughter. She laughed commenting, "like you saved your ass?" Jesus looked down at the ground and mumbled about how it wasn't suppose to go down like that. He once again, offered her to join him in his quest. But Sandpiper was coy, and bashed his manhood by saying, "You know how much I make? You really expect me to run away with just another "Hapless Wandering Hobo" passing through town?" Jesus felt her words sharply piercing into him which caused bloody stigmata on his robe that came from his heart.

Moving right along, Jesus soon found himself another ass and continued his mecca toward the Coliseum. As he entered the gates, he saw his arch enemy, Emperor Sillyus and his pack of lackeys. When the Emperor spotted Jesus, he threw Jesus the "Kiss of Death." Jesus responded by pretending to play dead. This delighted the Emperor as his giggles jiggled his gargentuous pot belly of lard. But Jesus wasn't dead, and he rose again from the dust of the earth and defiantly ridiculed the Emperor by sticking his tongue out at him along with making moose antlers with his hands next to his ears.

The flabbergasted Emperor immediately sent the guards after a defiant Jesus. But Jesus being wily, disappeared into the crowd. The crowd's attention being short, returned to watching the festival where the fighting champion animal, "Teddy the Bear" was starting to lose his battle against a pack of vicious wolves.

Then, out of nowhere, Jesus appeared in a Gladiator suit swinging his balls and chains aggressively at the wolf pack. The surprised wolves stopped their attack on Teddy, and came racing toward Jesus. But they were no match for the fighting skills of Jesus who had studied martial arts in the Far East during his "Missing Years." Soon the wolves fell one by one as dog meat before the feet of "Jesus the Conqueror."

If that wasn't enough of a surprise to the cheering crowd, Jesus pulled a harpoon from his gladiator backpack and threw it into the stands toward Emperor Sillyus. The harpoon miraculously landed into the gut of the Emperor who fell back into his throne gurgling in his own blood.

Teddy Bear quickly looked at Jesus and said, "We better scram man!" Jesus could only nod his head in agreement. Then as a diversionary tactic, Jesus unlocked the cages to all the pent-up animals who then ran into the stands creating total mayhem.

In the unrest, Jesus and Teddy disguised themselves as street urchins and made it through the crowd out of the building. They quickly escaped to the dock of the bay on galloping giraffes where they saw a barge loading large jugs that was departing to the Red Sea. So they jumped into the jugs to hide as castaways.

Soon into their voyage, Jesus and Teddy met Captain Dandy who was happy to help them get out of dodge, for he himself was relocating to live in the "Holy Land." The Captain then offered his new castaways friends to a game of chess. Teddy Bear was quite happy to play, but Jesus said he was going to turn in for the evening to get some badly needed shuteye.

As Jesus lay in bed, he tossed and turned with thoughts of Sandpiper that lingered in his head. And soon he arose from his bed and went up onto the deck where he found Teddy and Captain Dandy deeply involved in their chess game.

Jesus between turns asked the Captain if there was any work he could do for sleep. The Captain said there sure was, and directed him toward his desk that had a mountain of paperwork on it. The Captain then explained he needed to sort out the papers as to when and were he was born as to please the immigration officials. Joking to Jesus, the Captain quipped, "I hope you don't find out I've never been born." Jesus smiled and thought to himself, this will put me to sleep. It wasn't long after working on the confusing documents that Jesus passed-out onto the Captain's desktop.

The next morning, Jesus arose again from his bed and went up onto the deck. As he waded through various bottles left strewn about from the party of the crew, he found everyone sleeping. Everyone that is, but Teddy who was puking over the rail at the back of the boat.

Jesus proceeded past Teddy up onto the sun-deck. There, he looked back toward the direction they had left behind. As he stared into the wake of the boat, he became transfixed upon the countless reflected sunbeams that cast themselves upon the rippling waves.

Once again, his thoughts were brought back to the only prostitute who every meant anything to him.....Sandpiper. As he reminisced, he slowly pulled a piece of papyrus and charcoal from his robe and began to pen his very first love letter that would later be turned into a song. A song that would become his first number one hit single, "Will Work for Sleep."

Transcribed by,
Teddy Bear

Historic Note: The original love letter/song had the last ending lyrics being the first of the letter...Thus, "You've got me running in circles.....etc." To read the final version of the song that became #1 in the Mid-East, read blog, "Lyric Contest Results" 11-15-05