Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Exclusive Hollywood Celebrity Interview

My swell friend Linda Abbott appeared on the WB network's infamous "Blind Date" show last Friday. Blind Date is the kind of show that dwells somewhere in the dark recesses of the TV cultural landscape. Such programs are well known but not talked about in polite company, being right up there with "Cheaters" and "Maximum Exposure". These shows consistently deliver cheap voyeuristic thrills and there's always a market hungry for that. I'm certainly no stranger to watching stuff like this, although the "thrills" can quickly wear thin except in very measured doses. Say what you will but Blind Date has made one redeeming social contribution. That is that it can lend therapeutic clarity to the un-hitched person whom, after watching the show with all its train-wreck dates, no longer feels so bad about his or her single status.

Linda Abbott: TV stunt goddess

Curious of the spectacle surrounding overnight celebrity, Geritopia caught up with Linda during a brief interval in her hectic schedule of A-list appearances and paparazzi encounters. What a scoop!

Geritopia: Why did you appear on the Blind Date Show?

Linda: They contacted me via a dumb/funny dating post on Craig's List that had included a nice and artistic photo of me, taken by an ex boyfriend. They had me audition. Then called me in last-minute one morning as a replacement for a flake. They sent a town-car, which was fun. It gave me time to do my own hair & make-up, which is left to the blind-daters to do themselves.

Geritopia: But you had your own Star trailer, certainly?

Linda: No, changing clothes was done in covert bathroom operations, etc.

Geritopia: How was the V.I.P. catering?

Linda: There was no catering...we went to an actual, real-live dinner at the Wine Bistro, which is somewhere in the valley (Toluca Lake? North Hollywood? Sherman Oaks? -not sure). I highly recommend it (but w/o a TV crew, and without my date)

Geritopia: What do you expect your next starring roll will be?

Linda: The Michael (my "Blind Date") Assassin.

Geritopia: Do you ever feel like a monkey in a cage with all the fans and attention?

Linda: It's no different than it used to be, really. There are no fans of the show, nor any of me, it turns out.

Geritopia: America is interested in the deeper reflections of its celebrities. Do you have anything to say about the current political climate here?

Linda: I hate nearly all politicians and to me, they are roughly all the same. You can hate George Bush if you want, but if you are truly enlightened/jaded, then you should hate all of them, both Republican and Democrats. I believe there is something deeply wrong with someone who actually WANTS to be president. There, I said it.

Geritopia: Who's your favorite Beatle?

Linda: John Lennon, I'd say, but mostly cuz he didn't stick around long enough to get very annoying.

Geritopia: Can you tell geritopia what you liked about your date?

Linda: Nothing

Geritopia: What did you dislike?

Linda: Everything

Geritopia: Did he touch you?

Linda: No, fortunately.

Geritopia: Did your date peel off a latex mask revealing Donald Rumsfeld's head after the show?

Linda: I wish.

Geritopia: Do you think you will ever love again?

Linda: I ostensibly love now.

Geritopia: How did Roger Lodge's cologne smell?

Linda: He's like the Wizard of don't get to meet him just because you're on the show. As far as I know, we were never even in the same zip code at the same time --in fact, I'm not sure he really, truly exists in our reality/time plane.

Geritopia: What do you think the next big thing will be in Theoretical Physics?

Linda: If I knew what that was, I might take a guess, but I don't, so I can't/won't.

Geritopia: String Theory or string cheese?

Linda: String Theory. Though really, isn't string cheese a theory?

Geritopia: String bikini or strung violin?

Linda: Back in the day, string bikini; now I'll wear a violin instead, if possible.

Geritopia: Would you recommend being on the Blind Date television program?

Linda: Only if you want to waste 8-9 hours

Geritopia: Thank you for speaking with geritopia.

Linda: It was almost fun...


Coco "goodtimes" Van said...

I had a blind date once, I wore a shirt with the braille alphabet embroidered on it to make her more comfortable, It didn't turn out the way I expected tho, I was making funny faces and lude hand gestures in front of her face, when she slapped me!....It turns out that a "blind date" doesn't mean that they are really blind, Sorry my bad. I'll be more careful next time,And if I ever go on a "Deaf" date you can bet that I won't make a similar mistake...........

The Gold State said...

Does she have a “sister?”

Anonymous said...

To the Last Romantic Love Idealists,

That show is actually one of the funniest shows on T.V. Hahahah! Not that I’m an expert on knowing what’s on T.V. mind you, that would be the worst claim anyone who “Had a Life” would ever make. It’s not like the Neilson Ratings People are paying me for Avatar’s Sake!

At the same time, that “Blind Date Show” is also one of the most saddest morbid shows on T.V. too. And then when I realize that I’m like laughing my head off, an intense feeling of shame and sorrow overwhelms me for having laughed at such painful relationship catastrophes at all. For example, I’ve never seen a "Fairy Tale Ending" happen on this show.....ever! This now makes me very suspicious in my understanding of “Make Believe” and “Fantasies” coming true.

I don’t know if your friend Linda was crucified by the “Little Bubble Logs” that the writers put on the screen (that, along with other wacky animated stuff that you probably help create?), but someone out of the two on the date usually is turned into the villain (if not both), who gets an avalanche of ridicule that emphasizes the worst side of their character (to say the least).

I’m surprised that shows like this don’t have higher suicide/lawsuit cases due to the public hazing and mocking that is portrayed there.

I hope your friend Linda is strong enough not to give-up on love (like she claims) from her "Ultimate Nightmare Date."

This also leads be to believe that the staff doesn't spend too much time being proper "Matchmakers" as to the best couplings either. Do you think they actually pair the worse imaginable pairings they come across? Don't answer that, I want to somehow still believe in love.

Perhaps reality shows like this have only put another (hopefully not the final) nail in the coffin of an already castrated society that had any lingering notions of ever “Falling in Love” again.

Dick Edgemont

P.S. I leave you with this pondering notion........“Being in Love” usually works better and lasts longer than the stumbling kind of method known as “Falling in Love.”

linda abbott said...


Anna Z said...

My therapist was on Blind Date once. (as a therapist to the "Blind Daters").